What to Say?

We currently have more than one family in our lives with a recently diagnosed blood-sugar-challenged person. While we're hoping this isn't becoming a trend, I'm working on my own initial reaction conversation, and reflecting on some I had 15 or so years ago.

We were fortunate to be hooked up with a local group of diabetes parents shortly after my daughter's diagnosis. When I called for details about their meetings, the group's facilitator - both a CDE and a diabetes mom herself - stayed on the phone for almost an hour, offering support and encouragement, with lots of, "slowly but surely it'll get easier," and "it sounds like you're doing well, considering how little she is and all you've been through," and "I'll bring you some resources when you come to support group." She then asked if she could have a member of the group call me since this member's daughter had been diagnosed at about the same age as mine. The phone rang a few days later.

"Oh... I'm so sorry this is happening to you," the well-meaning mom began, "Having diabetes is terrible. It's the hardest thing we've ever done."

We had other conversations with fellow diabetes families over those first few months, some from that support group and some from other parts of our lives, but I think those two interactions mark the extreme opposite answers to the question, "What should I say to the newly diagnosed?" Should I assume they're in a place of despair, or should I begin with hope?

Talking with the "diabetes is terrible" mom wasn't all bad. Simply chatting with someone with similar experiences was helpful. But I was left wondering why, 3 weeks in, I seemed to have a better level of acceptance of my new normal than she did after a few years.

So in my interactions, even on days when I'm feeling like diabetes is particularly terrible, I've decided to aim for encouragement: offering and answering questions, listening, and providing information or resources if I can.  If the conversation flows towards the terrible parts, I'm not opposed to supportive commiserating, but want the end message to be, "but we survived those first months, we're surviving now, and you will to."

I don't think there's anything much more helpful than a real live person saying, "I've been in your shoes. I'm still standing, and even thriving. It's going to be okay, and I'm here to help."

A Mother's Day Gift

A poem written especially for moms of young kids with diabetes:

Not flowers, nor chocolate - not even fine tea!
What I want is a break from the numbers, you see.

For three sixty four they've been swirling around
'Til I fear on some days that my brains will be drowned.

So this Sunday for Mothers, I ask for a rest
From basal and bolus, from 'What are you- test!'

From site change and carb counts, from dexcoms that blare,
Insurance and phone calls and 'the juice boxes are there.'

So Sunday at lunch and the walk by the lake,
I ask that from d-stuff I get a quick break.

I'll be back on Monday, raring to go,
To support my sweet hero in her diabetes show.

Nurse Perks

Happy National Nurse's Week!

My daughter has, for over 10 years, almost always enjoyed going to the nurse's office.

The minutes she was late for lunch in elementary and middle school were hard, and she never enjoys being low or needing a site change. But there are upsides to those nurse visits:

There's often something interesting going on in the office. An overheard phone call to a parent who doesn't want to pick up a sick kid. Or a bizarre gym injury. Or an update on the current plague, be it flu or lice or a lingering cold.

There's a kind, interested adult there. When the office is quiet, there's conversation. Our school nurses have known more about my daughter than most of her teachers and even some of her friends. And vice-versa. While killing the time it takes for a low blood sugar to come up they talk about family, vacations, restaurants, afterschool activities and more.

Teachers and other staff stop by. My daughter has overheard, and often been included in, conversations amongst school staff. It's pretty interesting to hear the 'grown-ups' talk. Some nurse's offices are adjacent to the main office, providing yet another interesting source of conversation and information.

There's air conditioning. This is no small plus in September or June around here. On elementary school field day, or as an escape from the south-facing third floor middle school classroom, a low-ish blood sugar was a free ticket to relief.

I'm incredibly grateful for the nurses who've sat in those offices over the years. Being concerned about and dealing with my child's medical needs are line items in their job descriptions. The relationships they've built with her, and the extra kindnesses along the way have been above and beyond.

Thank you, this Nurse's Week, to all the school nurses who make their offices a safe, pleasant and even desirable place for their kids with diabetes.